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HOW TO LEAD
Written by Adan
Atriham
(Type-o's and Formatting Edited 2009)
On a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, Mr. Data wants
to be taught to dance. Dr. Crusher is doing Tap.
Mr. Data, being an android, is able to watch her and do
exactly what she is doing, learning in mirror image in real
time. He then states that he now will be able to dance
at the oncoming wedding. She tells him, no you need to
learn how to Waltz. Well, he struggles a bit because
he just can't watch and copy, as the two partners roles are
different. But being an android, he catches on in a
minute or two. He then makes a statement to the effect
of, "As I see it, I need to maneuver my partner around
the dance floor, taking care not to bump into anyone or
anything, dancing to the music, spontaneously choreographing
a changing and pleasing series of moves, all the while
maintaining light conversation." "Yes, that's it",
says his instructor. Mr. Data responds, "Gee, this is
difficult, isn't it?"
The moral of the story:
Leading is more than communicating the next move to the
follower.
It is a multi-faceted role and it IS difficult.
What you are about to read is a summary of basic principles
I have collected over my short years dancing salsa.
Some of these principles were told to me by more experienced
dancers, others are directly taken from women and the rest
originate from the common sense and my personal
understanding on this matter.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
1. Leaders lead, followers follow. You will encounter
followers who believe otherwise and there is nothing you can
do about it. If you don't like it, don't dance with them
again. If you enjoy it, you may find that passing the lead
back and forth can be great fun, if the dancers are in
perfect sync with each other, with the music and with the
dance.
2. Don't teach unless she asks. She will be annoyed
if you attempt to teach. Even if you're 100% sure that
you're right and she's wrong, do not teach. It's rude,
arrogant and women do not like it. Besides, how do you know
it wasn’t you who flubbed it - If you are in class and know
she is doing wrong, approach the subject diplomatically,
e.g. "That didn't feel quite right to me, did it seem OK to
you?" If she thought it was OK, this is the end of your
attempt to teach. If she agrees that something was amiss,
the safest thing to do is to ask an instructor to watch you
two do the move and give you feedback. In the other
hand, if you are in a club; a lady who wants to learn will
be very thankful if you take the time to teach her. Be aware
that many of these ladies will not say, “Please, can you
teach me”? Therefore, you must be sensitive to their
attitude and willingness to be taught. If you don’t feel
like she is there to learn, then do not attempt to teach
unless she specifically asks.
3. If she can't follow it, it's because you can't
lead it. This was a difficult concept for me to accept. I
protested that if her frame collapsed or she got herself off
balance or if she was anticipating instead of following, how
could it be my fault that she wasn't doing what I was
leading? It is the leader's job to assess the ability of the
follower and lead accordingly. If she can't follow it,
you've led something beyond her ability. You must learn to
assess a follower’s ability in the first few seconds of a
dance. In the other hand, if she is a more advance dancer
than you, don’t try to lead complicated moves when you are
not sure, because if the lead it not right, it won’t happen.
Basic moves are also nice when performed correctly. If you
are comfortable leading single turns and simple patterns,
she will enjoy it better than confusing flashy stuff that
isn't working.
4. Give her a second chance if she flubs a move. They
hate it when you don't give them a second chance. Don't
discuss it, just smile and set it up the same way and do it
very soon after the first flubbed attempt. If she does a lot
better on the second time, recognized it and lead it a third
time. Another reason to give her a second chance is that you
may have been the one who blew it.
5. Dance with her. I will repeat that slowly…
dance-with-her. This means not for her, for you or for the
girl in the bar. You two are a dancing together, it’s
a 3-minute relationship. So look at her eyes, show her how
much you are enjoying those short minutes. And very
important, SMILE! A nice, sincere and little flirtatious
smile can work wonders in your partner. But don’t fake it,
women sense that.
6. Her safety is paramount. Lead stuff she can do.
Don't pull her off balance; don't run her into something or
somebody. Before you make that move ensure there is enough
space and is safe, if not, then don’t do it. If despite of
all your efforts she gets hurt, get out of the dance floor
with her, offer assistance, get ice if needed.
7. The golden rule, If SHE looks good, you'll look
good. If you can lead well enough to make her do anything,
don't. If there is any showing off to do, let it be you
showing HER off, not you showing you off. Dance at HER
level, and if you are better, occasionally challenge and
surprise her. If she does something well, recognize it and
lead it some more. It is not fun to be dragged like a rag
doll through moves she doesn't know. You might be able to
make her do 20 moves she's never seen before, but she is not
going to like it and will be just praying for the end of the
song. She will enjoy it more if you expertly present her to
the audience (real or imaginary) through half a dozen moves
she's done before and knows how to perform nicely. When you
try to force many new moves all in one song, this isn’t a
case of you “making her look good out there” In fact, she
will think you are an arrogant, rude and selfish guy just
trying to show off your self.
8. Connect with you partner. This seems like an
obvious thing to do, right? Wrong! I have met many
guys who call them self “professionals” who are cold like
icebergs and it shows when they dance. They might be able to
portray good and complicated routines, but his partner and
probably the audience watching, don’t feel it. After
the dance she may think “Yeah” that was good?. This is the
spiritual quality that makes dancing to be called “art”. A
dancer most be an “artist” who transmits his emotions to his
partner (and audience) through his performance.
Unfortunately, as it happens in other forms of art, not
everybody has what it takes to become a artist; but if you
do, then your partner will have chills along the spine, her
eyes will be looking straight at yours, her face will be
illuminated with a bright smile coming from her heart and
after the dance is over, she will be thinking “WOW I have to
feel that again”.
9. Be respectful. Dancing is NOT vertical sex! You
have no idea how many women complain about this. It is
disgusting to watch a guy (who obviously is not a man)
inappropriately touching and molesting a woman in the dance
floor. If your level of testosterone has reached toxic
levels and it’s affecting your brain, you shouldn’t be
dancing. It is hard to believe that many women still think
it is rude to say “no, thank you” to a guy just because
other men will not ask them to dance later, and accept
dancing with these jerks. Being sexy while dancing is
achieved when your lady feels and looks sexy, NOT you. And
most important, she does not feel invaded in her persona.
10. Be humble. If indeed you are a great dancer, let
other people say it. Humility is not a sign of weakness; it
is a sign of maturity and confidence and women find it
appealing. If a lady approaches you saying, “My friends say
that you are the best dancer here” Just smile and say
something simple like” “Oh! thank you, I’m still learning,
would you like to dance”“ Keep your mind open and take
criticism as constructive. If you think you know everything
and can do anything better than anyone, then my friend, I
feel sorry for you. You have reached your maximum level of
development and you will not grow anymore. BE A
MEMORABLE LEADER.
These are the ABC’s that will make her remember you well
enough so that many months after you had one dance with her,
she will recognize you and ask you to dance:
A. Lead clear and smooth. Not too strong but not too
light, just enough to let her know what to do at the right
time. Jerking moves only hurt women’s shoulders and they
don’t look natural. Remember, the key word here is SMOOTH?
B. Dance to the music. And these are the top 5
things women want in a dance partner.
1. Be on the beat.
2. Begin moves on beat.
3. Transition when the music does, e.g. hit the breaks,
react to tempo changes, nail
the last note of the song, etc.
4. Interpret the melody and/or lyrics with your
spontaneous choreography.
If you are really connected
with the music, it will tell you when is the time to get
close, open, do spins, shines,
etc.
5. Achieve that rare spiritual state, which makes your
partner feel in a different world she can’t express
with words and will leave her
wanting more. Women expect 1 and 2, appreciate 3 and
will look
for you if you do 4. They will
put you on their must dance with list, send flowers to your
mom and
join your fan club if you do 5.
C. Surprise her. Perfect moves that make the follower
do unexpected major changes of direction (e.g."... and then
we went sideways, Wheeeee...!") These are NOT turns, dips,
flips or spins and are done SMOOTHLY.
OTHER USEFUL TIPS
A. Pay attention to the minor details. If you
absolutely have to keep track of time, wear the watch in the
right hand. This prevents her hair from getting caught in
the band when you screw up on a double turn lead and drag
your wrist through her hair. Put your keys in left or
back pocket if you must carry them. There's nothing quite as
anti-romantic as positioning your partner for a corte or dip
or some other form of full contact and discovering that your
keys are poking both of you. Keep your teeth and breath
clean, at the very least, avoid garlic, bell pepper and
onions on the dinner menu. If unable to properly clean your
teeth prior to dancing, at least invest in some Dentyne or
breath mints. Oh! And if you chew gum, please? keep your
mouth closed.
B. Keep alcohol to the minimum possible. Maybe
one to loosen you up, but most serious dancers don't drink.
It impairs the timing and balance, makes you sweat like a
pig, and you'll smell like a drunk. Cokes or other
carbonated drinks for sugar or water for fluid replenishment
are standard with top dancers. Since clubs survive on their
concessions, don’t whine about cover charges, make sure you
consume from the bar, also tip the bartenders, waiters, etc.
If a club can't make money, it won't be there for you to
dance at next week.
C. If you are one of those men who sweat like
ham in the oven, make sure you have a small handy and clean
towel in your pocket and use it as many times as necessary.
Another great tip and women appreciate it, is to have
another ready-to-use shirt in your car. Believe me,
they may not say it, but women don’t like to get too close
to a man who is all soaked in his own sweat, specially if
you have strong body odor. They will certainly notice and
recognize when you have a solution for this problem.
D. Take care of your self. By this I mean
really, take care of your self. Before saying “yes”, a woman
looks at you from top to bottom in less than a second and
creates an instantaneous impression of you as a person; and
this is even before you dance with her. Therefore, try to
keep your ideal weight, be well groomed, dressed nicely and
wear good cologne. Remember, this is an investment. Women
create good impression of a man who takes care of him self,
because it gives them the idea that he can take care of them
as well, including in the dance floor.
E. If a lady asks you to dance, don’t say no.
Remember, most women will not approach a man asking him to
dance and for those who overcome the fear of rejection, the
least we can do is accept their invitation. This will serve
multiple purposes. Other ladies will think you are
approachable; she may even introduce you to her friend who
happens to be the girl you are drooling for, and the
experience and practice you gain can be invaluable.
But be aware that an invitation to dance is only that, an
invitation to dance. If she is interested in something more
she will let you know, but for the time being, keep you
heart beating to the sound of the music and just dance.
F. Don’t be a victim of Xenophobia (fear to
estrangers). Wouldn’t be nice to have a world in which
everybody dances salsa? In order to achieve that, we must
spread the “salsa virus” and the best way to do it, is
dancing with new people every time. That’s how real viruses
become epidemics; infected individuals make contact with
non-infected (if you don’t believe me, just ask the Chinese
government). Making closed dancing circles with the same
persons does not help the cause. I understand that we all
need to experience that sense of security and comfort of a
regular partner, but if you want to grow and develop into a
good dancer, you must also dance with other people, try
different styles, different levels. As my dear friend, the
great Eddy Torres master of the masters said to me, “A
dancer is the person who can make other people dance”.
A FINAL THOUGHT
Remember, dancing was meant to be fun and enjoyable. Salsa
as we know it today, was born as a manifestation of joy,
happiness and freedom by the African slaves in Cuba. After
mixing with other cultures and influences, it went through
different changes until its unique rhythm and flavor were
clearly identified as way of expression of the “Latin”
culture. But the roots and the basic principles of joy,
happiness and freedom still prevail today. For those
who are not born “Latinos” and have adopted Salsa, you must
remember and respect those principles. Salsa is not just a
dancing style; it is a way of life based on those very own
fundaments. When you dance because you love it and feel the
passion and meaning of the music, it will show in the way
you dance. You will be sharing with others those same
emotions somebody shared with you when you didn’t know
anything about Salsa. But when you dance away from the true
meaning of dancing, you become a victim of your own tramp.
You not only harm the image of Salsa as a way of expression
of an entire culture, you also extinguish the fire in others
and more people will lose their chance to enjoy this
wonderful experience. For some men (and even women) this is
a complicated and hard to understand concept. If you are
going to remember one single thing about this whole article
make it this. Don’t use dancing as an excuse to proof your
self to others. Dancing is not about who is better or worse,
is not about superiority and rivalry. If you dance, do it
because you feel the need to dance and have something to
share with others, dance as the way to celebrate your
freedom and show who you are deep inside. If you teach
others, first ensure you have the right motives and the
right connection with the true meaning of dancing, because
if you don’t, you are teaching something else, but not
Salsa. In other words, You cannot give what you don’t have.
Well, there you have it. In a nutshell these are the
principles and philosophy I have found most useful in my
never-ending journey of becoming a better dancer. I hope you
find them useful too and may serve you as incentive to
create your own principles. But whatever you do, make
your dancing days a memorable stage in your life that when
it ends, you will be able to remember all those wonderful
moments leading a lady while listening the seductive and
contagious beats of this rhythm of our lives.
Y que viva la salsa !!!
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